People Who Discourage Us
09/03/2010 by Colin Schedler
In previous posts, I have introduced you to people who have inspired my journey with their positive mindsets and simple, yet effective approaches to life with it’s ups and downs. The focus has, largely, been on wealth creation because this is the aim of my journey and my blog.
However, it is worth noting that not all the people who inspire us on our journeys are already successful or wealthy or possessing a positive mindset. They may, in fact be, people who discourage us.
People Who Discourage Us
I would hope that we all have members of our family, past or present, who have been excellent role models for us. They may have achieved great things in the face of adversity or followed their dreams to become someone we wish to emulate. Most of us will at least be able to find positive elements and characteristics from someone we know that we wish to learn from or model ourselves on and it is important to find such people and learn from them whenever we can.
The reality for many of us is that despite our loved ones possessing many great qualities, they may want us to follow a traditional path in life. So they do not encourage or support us if we deviate from the ‘norm’ and take a different path.
They tell us, for example, that we are taking too big a risk, that what we plan to do cannot be done, or that in business the competition is too fierce. They may not have any knowledge about the ventures we are undertaking, so they somehow assume that we don’t either. They don’t understand why we would take a ‘risk’ and that even if we don’t succeed the way we plan, we will still have learned more from the experience than any money can buy and we will simply try again another way.
They are people who discourage us, but they believe that they are doing so for our own good.
Inspiration From People Who Discourage Us
However, the same people who discourage us by trying to undermine our ambitions are still people who should inspire us, obviously not by their example, but by the indignant fire they stoke up in our bellies. When we hear negative words come from them we must turn it around to fuel this fire;
They say; “it’s risky.”
We say; “I acknowledge what the risks are and I can do it.”
They say; “it’s too competitive.”
We say; “I have something more to offer than the competition, I can do it.”
They ask; how much do we know about what we are doing?
We say; “I am well prepared and will continue to learn along the way as new challenges arise. I CAN DO IT.”
By having a growth mindset (more on this in an upcoming post) we can see obstacles as opportunities and difficulties as learning experiences.
With a positive mindset it is vital to focus on what we do want rather than what we don’t and it’s the same in the case of nay-sayers who try to put us off taking action. The truth is that if we have come this far, we already know that we don’t think like them. We already have a passion fueling our plans and we already believe that we can do it. We have to believe we can do it, but in the words of Henry Ford;
“Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.”
Avoid Becoming Like People Who Discourage Us
In order to avoid being swayed by the people who discourage us, we need to be single minded in our approach and overcome any negativity we feel by remembering why we are doing what we are doing. For me it is like this:
I believe that financial wealth equals choice. Choice in how you live your life, how you spend your time and, for me, the luxury of time is the greatest wealth we can have. We sell our time and efforts to our jobs. We earn a salary for the work we do, but also for the time we spend doing it.
If we no longer have to spend this time going to a job, but we have the same or even more money to do what we want with, think what we can achieve? Think how we can help our loved ones or those less fortunate t
han ourselves with our money and time.
Sometimes we can be our own biggest critics or our own loudest cheer squad. The same responses to our would-be detractors are the ones we must use with our own negative self-talk if and when it arises.
We need to inspire ourselves with how far we have already come. Even if we have not yet achieved the financial or other goals we have set, the inevitable change in our thinking and resulting actions are worthy of a pat on the back and are a great start in our journey to creating wealth for success.
Colin Schedler © 2010
Great reminder Colin.
Family love us and love us to be the same and act the same. This ‘family’ can come in many forms too – work, friends and hobbies. Sometimes I do like taking different directions in my life and have been in the situation where I need to reassure my Mum or friend that what I am currently doing is the best for me in that moment.
As a parent I am now reminded that I too need to watch this with my children. To trust them and allow them to grow into beautiful adults too.
I really appreciated your perspective and gentle reminder that this works in many ways. Thank you.
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Hi Colin and great article.
Family loves us, to act the same and do the same actions. This family can come in different forms too – work, friends hobbies. When I change directions in life I do find that my Mum needs reassurance that what I wish to do or have altered is what I really desire.
Now as a parent, I do really appreciate this alternative perspective as now also the shoe is on the other foot. To remember that I also need to allow them to make individual choices and allow them to grow into wonderful adults.
Thank you for the timely reminder Colin.
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Cool great post colin thanks for the info
Thanks Steve.
Hi Cherie,
I’ve definitely learnt a lot from my parents over the years both in taking their advice and also proving them wrong in situations where they’ve been skeptical of some of my decisions. I’m hoping to be more encouraging with the decisions my sons make in the future, but I may need reminding from time to time.
Colin
I agree Colin. It’s best to try and understand why people are discouraging us. It could be because they are trying to protect us or it could be because they are afraid that you may be more of a success than they are. Whatever the reason, keep the faith. Know that you’ve done the hard yards to understand the road map and the risks. Those that discourage have not done this due diligence and so respond with the knee jerk reaction of discouragement, fear or playing devil’s advocate.
David
An interesting perspective Colin. I also have to say to myself that the reason people tell you “it” cannot be done is so they can justify their own behavior, inaction or existence. Fear holds them back and if we succeed at what we set out to achieve then we are proving them wrong…and no-one likes to be proved wrong, especially if you become wealthy and they do not.
Enjoyed your post. Thanks, Eileen.
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Colin,
That’s a great post. There are lots who do not understand the attitude we forum members have.
It reminds me a little of TAGR where Hill says the worst thing a parent can do is to tell their kids they will never do well, be smart enough, be successful, be handsome / beautiful enough………..etc
Good on you, mate.
Cheers
Harry
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I’ve come to learn that there’s a purpose for everything in life. People who say things to make you think twice have a purpose too. Their comments, opinions, actions, inactions have a purpose. Take the opportunity to learn from them and you might even be grateful that they’re in your life
The challenge at the time is to discover that purpose – because it might not be at the top of your mind at the time.
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Colin,
The discussions remind me of I saying I once heard that has a lot of truth attached to it. The saying is: The most expensive advice you will get about creating wealth is the advice from someone who is poor.
Very true! and it could be a quote by a well known person…not sure ?
Thank you Colin, the info and advice in this post is very interesting.
Jill.
It’s a great saying Jill and very true. Kind of like taking advice about your money from a financial advisor who earns less than you.
Colin
We need to be careful not to be too influenced by the opinions of people close to us, as it may prevent us from making a decision which would otherwise have lead to a successful outcome. On the other hand, their advice may steer us away from making a wrong decision. We need to differentiate between fact and opinion and make the right decision.
Colin
Hi Harry,
It’s great to have a forum like YOTA with like-minded people where we can all help each other along on our individual paths.
Colin
Hi Eileen,
Fear is the big dream-killer.
Colin
Hi David,
Knowing what we want to achieve and having the right support network, such as YOTA, will help us to keep the faith and dismiss opinions from people who are skeptical of our plans.
Colin
As a father of 3 my kids are the most important thing to me and to be in a position to help them with advice and teach them the way forward is what i’m about. i do take your point that parents at time can be wrong so in that area i will tread carefully. Thanks Colin
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